just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
