I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
