i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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