He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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