your room smells of hookers.
And success
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
