Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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