He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
