you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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