yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
