I love black thongs
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
