I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
