Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
