Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Randomize
