her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
