Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
