who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
