Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Success! We fucked roommates!
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
