toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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