I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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