Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
