so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
