You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
