and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize
