Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
