He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
