I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
