You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
