She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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