I hate your face
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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