Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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