i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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