You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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