3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
