last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
