Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Life without a bra equals bliss.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
