Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
