Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He felt like a one man threesome
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
