dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Randomize
