If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
