I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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