My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
