There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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