So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
