Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
