Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
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