how can u be prego again
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
