and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
