Don't make out with my wife yet
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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