He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
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