Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
